Harvard Graduate: Life After Harvard

Okay, I would not have done this if I haven’t been in bed for 10 hours a day for the past 3 months… Yeah and that
means outside of bedtime Text: Life After Harvard Well the goal of this is to just make
sure that I do something that is completely mortifying. My assistant/friend, she thought that making a video of myself talking about my feelings
would be a really great way of getting over that hurdle of challenging myself
outside of my comfort zone which is currently limited to my bed. THIS IS STILL AWKWARD. I guess the big elephant in the room that I need to talk
with myself today is life of a Harvard student after
graduation. So Hi, for those of you who know me you probably didn’t expect to see me
in 2D, but here I am. so it’s been a while since I graduated right and pretty
much everyone that I’ve talked to are going through a hard time If you’re not one of them
then I’m really really happy for you But I graduated in spring of
2018 right now it is October 2019 So it’s been quite a while I’ve got to say I still dream about Harvard sometimes
like literally It was such a wonderful place for me It was really safe
a way that I describe it a lot of times to my friends is, it’s almost
like a utopia you’re surrounded by all your friends
and nice people you’re intellectually challenged but you have support and you’re never really
going at it alone I guess I realized after I graduated that I was quite a loner when
I was in college I mean I would go to you know like events and places where a
lot of people come in parties because for some reason I just
didn’t really I didn’t really know how to party I think I was fortunate enough
that I left college with a handful of good friends and there really have helped me
through my really rough college years of either all-nighters of grinding away in computer science problems or just a night full of outright crying because
of existential crisis Oh good times Well those days are over but a lot of
same problems kind of remained After I graduated from school I actually got an
offer from Microsoft but I decided to turn it down because I was really young
and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do I was depressed back then too and I knew
that I wanted to be closer to home so I just declined the offer from Microsoft and
then decided to start a company with my friends It didn’t work out as well as I
expected… Were there a lot of lessons learned along the way?
Yes Did I learn how to do a few things in a completely new way so I don’t screw myself over?
Yes Am I more confident about hiring people?
Yes Am I more careful about starting a new business?
Yes Suddenly my social
landscape has completely changed Suddenly it went from like being surrounded by people all the time into just really not having anyone and you have to put so much effort into making sure that that part of your
personal life is alive And in college I know I was you know usually just a
loner I don’t really go parties and like suddenly I felt like I needed to learn
how to do those things but I was in Korea which had I guess like less of the
people that I could hang out with so I felt like I have been alone for (sigh) a while now It feels kind of weird
because it’s such a drastic change The idea is that for example the
conventional path for me as a computer science student it was clear that a good
path for me to walk onto would be to join a big corporate company which I can
learn a lot and I’ll have a mentorship system which is really important in the early part of your career generally people kind of expect that
like you’ve got the Harvard name you can’t really fall that hard or do that badly
which I think is still true to some degree I can only speak for me
and some of the people that I know I think the pain of being young
the pain off being 20-something The pain that comes from trying to live your life
to the true extent of yourself exists just because
you’re human and I think that’s quite universal I pretty much feel like the minute I walked out of Harvard I want to say I’m lost but I’m thinking if that’s an overstatement it’s probably not true I’m just probably feeling quite
vulnerable right now Alot of the time when I run into new people in my life I
realize that I have the same challenges as they do like the same worries like
when am I going to learn to cook the right thing or this is the prime year of
my life how is my relationship life going (cough) not well Just the little things you don’t think about
At point I started reading a lot of books written by 40-something 30-something
50-something started watching a lot of movies about 40-something because I
really wanted to figure out like how does it happen like what happens after
graduation it went from like one year eight courses however many credits to
get it done you get your ABCs and then you move on now it’s just like yeah the
world is your oyster but you kind of really have to carve your own path
and some of my friends are doing really really well and I’m really really happy
for them I know and I started to understand and realize this a little bit
but if you kind of find what you like to do it is quite a blessing and if you
don’t I think it’s actually quite normal My life is it’s actually in quite a mess
after I graduated I haven’t felt like I’ve been challenged enough and that’s
not because of the current job that I have right now that’s mostly just because of me
To give you an idea of how messy my life it What’s a good example There are so many of them I traveled for work three weeks ago and my
suitcase is still NOT unpacked (so proud) My to-do list tasks that were due of like getting my finance things together by setting up saving accounts and like all those
automated things so that the minute it arrives in your account it just
disappears and into where it’s supposed to be so you don’t touch them I’ve had that
idea since last year and I still look at it everyday but it’s still not done I am spending money a lot on coconut water because it makes me happy but mainly it’s just like the fact that
my relationship life (crashing sounds) I don’t even know how to describe
it I know I want to start like I know I want to try so many things but I
just can’t get myself out bed This is just a phase that I’m going through and the
more I can accept it the better it is which I think is helpful and at least it got us to this point so that we can meet each other
I’m starting to feel great in front of a camera because I feel like I’m actually talking
to someone because another messed up thing about my life is that most of
the time I’m just in my apartment alone working I work from home I’ve failed at many things this year This entire year I’m pretty sure I only
finished 3 books, maybe less So like right now I am working at a complete remote company so I can completely work from anywhere and it
sounds great for people who love to travel but recently I realized that I
really don’t like traveling Generally I go to bed oh man yeah I wake up and then
I would feel really tired and I would have all these to-do lists and plans I
the routine that I’m supposed to get into that I could get into it at some point I may be like I’ve started working a little bit but my
brain would be completely scattered I’m not sure what I’m spending my time on
actually staring at the wall There’s not even that many interesting things in
my apartment So I feel like the most eventful thing that can happen in a
day during the week day for me is around dinnertime It’s not healthy that I just kind of rely on my friends to make myself happy I watch Netflix which frankly right now I”m getting quite tired of There’s only so
many shows that you can watch You maybe watch like five I mean I’ve been doing that for like about half a year now so my
eyes are like getting tired of really staring into a screen but then yeah and
then before I knew it it’s dinnertime hangout with my friends come back get ready for calls and
well Netflix and go to bed and it’s like this all the time At one point I decided that you know maybe I should go traveling so I went to Europe I recently
just came back from Japan but it’s really not the same when you travel I
probably am NOT doing it right somehow because every time I travel alone I get
really sick and tired my body almost disintegrates the minute I step outside
of my apartment like I would get like headaches I start getting a cold or
like catching a fever and it’s just not it’s just not that fun and
I one thing that I love is that I really like taking photos but when I go alone
sometimes it’s really hard to get a photo of myself and I thought it was
fine until years have passed This is the same in college – I just
didn’t have enough photos there’s a gap of the photos of me between the age of
like 18 to 25 I feel bad for my kids they’re gonna be like mom what was your life like
at the prime of your youth And I’ll be like I don’t remember And right now my physical state is I’m not eating well I get tired with the food
that I cook and I want to learn new recipes I’m trying to get back into a
workout routine At one point I was so motivated I completely transformed my body and then I went through a
breakup and they ate a lot of pasta and I made a new friend called wine yeah So that’s where we are now My mental state right now is very fluctuating When I want to do something I
just lack the energy to execute I seriously thought about hiring like Actually I did I got my assistant and she’s pushing me to do things which
I’m really really grateful for My relationship life you got to hear about
that a little bit it’s hard I’ve never been single this long guys
I don’t know what to do Like this is my first time being single as an adult and
I don’t really have a community around me As you can see as much as I tried to sugarcoat
all these different aspects of my life it’s not really what I anticipated
a lot of times I wake up thinking that my life is in a mess How did we get here How’re we gonna get out of this It’s hard especially if you live alone which I do
and it’s hard when you have kind of taken a non-traditional path so far
away from what everyone else is doing I definitely feel isolated but then
again when I decided that I was not going to go there immediately I had a
gut feeling that I I belong somewhere else It is disappointing because I have walked away from that conventional path
and I just feel like I haven’t found a place where I belong yet
or maybe I just have not been able to make that path for myself and carve that
for myself and every time when I am reminded that this is quite normal as an
experience for our generation it makes me feel a little bit better not that
because somebody else is struggling but because I feel like there are people out
there who get it and maybe it’s time for me to really get up and get ready to enjoy
another fall and falling on my face again I think I’m going to try to slowly
piece my life together and see how I’m going to get out of this mess This video
is more hopeful than I expected it to be I thought I was going to cry or something at how (camera dies) Text: i tried Text: bye

One Reply to “Harvard Graduate: Life After Harvard”

  1. I had a dream of applying to ivy leagues (although I don’t think I’ll get into any lol) .. but recently I have been realising that school doesn’t matter..it’s more like a passion and hard work thing. Harvard is a brand .Working on the opportunities we have makes us better contender for jobs . I’m currently in studying in India and I have been diagnosed with anxiety. As much as I think foreign universities provide better environment and opportunities.. i believe in self care too. I don’t want to be overwhelmed and burned out .
    Your video showed a whole different aspect and I admire you for making this video.
    We have many seminars at our school showing a rosy picture of foreign universities especially Ivy Leagues.
    About how the entire world will be offering us jobs etc.
    Harvard is a great place but I guess self development is vital.
    Depression never leaves you. I hope life treats u kind ma’am
    Btw u have a great personality
    Plus I relate to the part .. where u feel like isolating yourself
    I have severe self esteem issues and there is nothing good I see about myself.
    This gave me strength

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