Complete your first year of college online for under $5,000! Visit collegeplus.org/cow to see if you qualify. So you just graduated. Congratulations! Now you’re ready to face … all of the annoying questions people are going to ask you. Let’s run through a few of them, shall we? Here we go. So, granddaughter, when are you getting married now that you’ve graduated? Oh, uh, I guess when I meet the right guy! All right, well, don’t wait too long, okay? Look, there is obviously an unspoken life checklist. And right after “graduate from college” is “get married,” at least according to your well-meaning relatives. Give me great-grandkids or give me death! And you can’t respond like this, but you really wish you could. So, when am I gonna get some great-grandkids? Actually, Grandpa, I was thinking of trying celibacy for the rest of my life. WHAT? No need to be crude, deary! And now we go from a question about your physical relationships to a question about your physical location. So, when are you gonna move out of your parents’ house? There’s this negative stigma around living with your parents after college, and I’ve never quite understood it. I mean, as long as your parents are willing to let you stay at home and save money, what’s wrong with that? There’s a subtle difference between a 35-year-old living in his parents’ basement playing video games all day and a responsible recent graduate taking advantage of their parents’ generosity by saving money for the future. But then when you try and explain this to people … Dude, you have gotta get out from under your parents’ wing and experience true freedom! But I have noticed that when I try and explain my reasoning to people who have lived on their own for a while—maybe they’re married or they have a kid— Just do anything you can to save your money, okay? It’s crazy out here. I want your attention! The next question you’re going to get is a little more philosophical in nature. So, what are you gonna do with your life? (LAUGHS) How is anyone supposed to answer this question? Wow, so glad you asked. Here’s a notebook that outlines my entire life. Each page represents my plan for one year. Look, it’s great to have goals, but this question is just too much pressure. Plus, the person asking is never going to be satisfied by your answer. Well, I’ve always wanted to help kids, so I’m excited to be a teacher. A teacher?! What do you wanna live on, food stamps or something? Look, why don’t you pick a more fiscally responsible goal for your life? Bottom line: the kind of person who asks this question is normally disappointed by whatever answer you give them. Oh, and speaking of jobs, here’s another question you’re going to get asked. So, do you have a real job yet? There are, like, 3 reasons why this is a really mean thing to ask someone. One, it immediately cuts the person down by implying that their job isn’t “real.” Two, it implies the person shouldn’t be working where they’re working. And three, it doesn’t consider the fact that they might like where they work. So when you get asked this question, maybe see what kind of response you get by saying this. You know, they’re all out of real jobs, so I had to go out and get a fake one. Crazy. And finally, speaking of “real things,” here’s a cute question you’re going to get asked a lot. So, ready to face the real world, honey? Your boss ain’t going to give you extra credit when you fail, which you will. You know that thing where your life didn’t turn out the way you hoped that it would so you take it out on the younger generation? This question is that thing. (LAUGHS) You have no idea how tough the real world is. Oh boy, it’s gonna knock you straight on your keister! Like, they say it as if they’re rooting for you to fail. (LAUGHING) You’re gonna be on the ground in the fetal position crying and I’m gonna be kicking you to teach you a lesson! Thanks Grandpa, that’s very encouraging. Don’t mention it. Also, here’s a card. Oh, and here’s a bonus question you’re gonna get asked a lot. So, where you going to college? Why does everyone assume you know what you’re doing for college? It’s overwhelming, it’s intimidating, and there’s just so much to consider. Thankfully, our friends at CollegePlus have the solution. With CollegePlus Unbound, you can complete your first year of college online for under $5,000. And when you enroll, you get 5 free courses, which is an entire semester of courses. So if you’re interested in doing college online and you wanna earn a degree debt-free, head on over to collegeplus.org/cow to see if you qualify. That’s collegeplus.org/cow.